I ended up with a wife who bears a striking resemblance to a Japanimation character name Pucca.

Which is weird, because without any knowledge that there was such a character, I began calling my then-girlfriend "Pucca" sometime around when the world went to hell four years ago. I don't know why. Who the hell knows where these comfort terms come from?

Then, at the same time that me and my then-girlfriend were in Paris getting engaged, we stumbled upon this t-shirt. Bearing as it does an uncanny resemblance to my saucer-eyed lady, we bought it. But at some point in our subsequent separation, "Pucca" went the way of the Sega Genesis and "Boogie Train" became milady's nom de John.

So that's the story there. I explain all this because me and Boogie Train/Breakin' Two/Bacon Tendercrisp went to a Halloween party on Saturday night, where milady ran into various folks she had not seen in at least five years. And they all freaked out when they saw her.

Which is vaguely threatening. These were all hugely creative people, wearing hugely creative costumes, intimidating enough in their own right, freaking right the hell out that BT was back in the building. It's just unnerving to know that there are legions of people who think my wife kicks sliced bread to the curb, and will happily queue up to see her if I happen to get trampled by an elephant or somesuch.

Such was my state of mind while carving. It was either that or recreate Lionel Richie's head. Just to let her know that a nigh-30 year old dorkus appreciates that it takes a special woman to accompany his malorkus ass to Forbidden Planet, even though the store is haunted by the conversations of the damned.

("It's so stupid that they always land in rural places, where there's no population."

"That's what I like, though. They landed. The book makes clear-"

"It makes no sense for them to go looking in a place where there's no population."

"Oh, but if you read the original-"

"It's patently absurd on its face.")

And it is a special woman who will tolerate my arguments that, while a month ago I was skeptical of the Tenacious D movie, I now have complete faith in it because it's being directed by that guy that makes the sock puppets.

See? You're eyes are glazing over already. And you don't have to listen to me actually spout this crap.

A happy Bacon Tenderween to all, and to all a damned Train.