Because starlets and old Bobby Knight news make slow news days tolerable. Check out our live video report from Beckham's debut, and, if you like blue humor, see McGruff the Crime Dog's take on Michael Vick.
Chipper Jones None Too Pleased With New York Media: This just further underscores the fact that sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut as an athlete, especially on something as controversial as this. You'll get dragged through the mud somewhat unwarrantedly and you certainly have nothing to gain from it.
"I Wish I Knew How to Quit You" -- Knight and Indiana Will Never End: Knight, now the coach at Texas Tech, settled with Felling in 2002 by paying him $25,000 and admitting that he had shoved Felling in anger after he overheard a telephone conversation in which Felling criticized Knight's coaching and behavior.
John Daly: 'I'm In Better Shape Than Tiger': Daly cares so much about his physical conditioning that while other players were practicing at Southern Hills this week, he was at a nearby casino.
The Debriefing: Fists Full of SchruteBucks XIII: I root for Tiger Woods in every tournament, pretty much by default, but if Daly's hanging around on Sunday ... I make an exception. I will be on the other bandwagon. I'll listen to terrible country music, I'll throw on a Kid Rock CD, I'll pound a bottle of his stupid wine, I'll play 18 with his terrible Maxfli golfballs, I'll even go to 84 Lumber and ... I dunno, buy some lumber, I guess. That big drunk sloppy mess could use a break. I BELIEVE, John Daly.
Did Derek Jeter Give Jessica Alba Herpes? Perhaps this is the wrong attitude, but I've always been of the accepting mindset for STDs -- at least it means you're getting some, right? And by the way, if this is at all true, anything you can get from having relationships with Mariah Carey, Jessica Biel, and Jessica Alba, I'm all for. Sign me up.
I Like My Future Saints to Be Gem Mint: He's already turned down an offer of $20,000 in hopes of making more money on eBay -- the auction goes for another week and is already up to $6,000 after 20 bids. I'm sure somewhere up there Mother Teresa is smiling down at him: if there's one thing she stood for, it's unbridled capitalism.
Random YouTube Magic: Shaq Being Shaq: Via You Been Blinded, here's Shaq flipping off some fans, proclaiming his love for Serbia, and refusing to speak anything but English. Possibly in that order.
Amare Will Be on the NBA '08 Box: Amare's recovery from microfracture surgery last season was among the most dramatic-and encouraging-in NBA history. Putting his likeness on the cover of a game seems to say "yeah, we know about your jinxes. But Amare's already been through it all, and he survived. He's played your game already, cruel video game gods!"
Wade and Parker Among Esquire's Best Dressed: With Dwyane Wade gimpy in the playoffs and his Heat knocked out early, the Flash has been in the background for a minute now. In fact, it's kind of easy to forget that, at one point, he was poised to be the next Jordan on and off the court. Thank god for meaningless celebrity lists.
All the Way from Manchester to See David Beckham: With some time to kill before kickoff, I took a walk around RFK Stadium to talk to some folks about the circus that just rolled into town. On my walk, I ran into the Kellys, a family that flew in all the way from Manchester, England just for the game.
FIFA Vice President Calls Man U Signing 9-Year-Old 'A Kind of Football Slavery': The most interesting declaration from Warner (that's him on the right in the photo) was about Manchester United's signing of a 9-year-old player, Rhain Davis, whose family moved from Australia to England to advance his soccer career.
Jared Allen's Approach to Offensive Linemen: 'Just Kick Him in the (Groin)': Seems like good advice. Allen has two DUI convictions on his record and has been suspended for the first two games of the season, meaning he's already on thin ice with the league office. Roger Goodell probably didn't find Allen's advice as funny as most HBO viewers did.
Pacman Jones: 'I Didn't Really Think That I Wanted to Go Back to School': Jones also expressed optimism that he'll play this year: "Hopefully I can get back a couple games early, that would be nice, if Goodell is listening to this," Jones said. I think Goodell was listening, and I don't think he was impressed.
Pacman Jones on TNA Video: The debut of Pacman Jones, the suspended Titans cornerback, on TNA wrestling was just a tease, an advertisement for an upcoming pay-per-view show. But if you want to see something that combines Pacman and TNA, here's the wrestling organization's official video.
McGruff Hates Michael Vick: This video will be offensive to just about everyone. Its language is not safe for work. It's not even safe for home, if you've got kids around.
Jessica Alba: World's Hottest Hockey Owner: It seems Ms. Alba has actually been hired for "The Love Guru," a movie that will introduce the next Mike Myers character that your annoying friends will quote incessantly until you literally beg them to go back to saying "Do I make you horny, baby?" in a faux British accent. According to Michael Fleming in Variety, Myers has tapped Alba (he should be so lucky), "Blades of Glory" actor Romany Malco and his "Austin Powers" buddy Verne Troyer as his co-stars for a film set to be released in June 2008