Bug: "So. You're back."
Dad: "Kinda. Still blowing my nose."
"Boo hoo, motherfucker."
"Okay. "
"I woke up soaking in diapermix yesterday. Do you see me pissing and moaning?"
"Yes. I saw you do both of those."
"Suck it up. I cut two teeth while you were popping vitamin C pills and you can't even be bothered to do the Daily Bug?"
"..."
"Check out my hair. I look like a Gia Carangi and you're not documenting any of this."
"You look like a coiffed owl."
"You can go to hell."
And with that, dad retires to bed with his box of kleenex.
[Through bedside monitor]
"Hell!"