A daddy blog.

19 January 2009


"What's in here?"

"Pots and pans, Bug."

"What's pots and pans, precious?"

"You stop that. It creeps Daddy out."

"I'm going to open this door. Ow."

"Yeah. When you open a door, you want to make sure you get out of the way. Don't open it into your face."

"Okay. Take two. Ow."

"You do not have the hang of this at all."

"Ow. Ow. Ow."

"Now you're just swinging the door into your groin."

"Ow. Ow. Ow."

"Okay come here. There you go."

"Oh my god it's shiny." (Begins grabbing and yanking things.) "And noisy!"

"Good stuff, right?

"Oh my god why aren't you in here all day."

"Easy muffin."

"Oh my god."

"Easy girl."

"Oh my god."

"Okay. I think you're getting a little too worked up. Let's put a few of these back. Let's just play with-"

"You touch one of these and I will cut you like your Grandpa Munster in Pet Sematary."

"Jeez, kid."

"The shiny is mine."

"No, it's the family's, and the family needs to be able to walk through the kitchen. Let's put these away."

"But, I discovered these."

"You didn't discover those. Your mother discovered those and registered for them in 2003."

"Hey dad here's a riddle."


"What did the white guy say to the Africans who pointed him toward Victoria Falls?"

"I don't know."

"He said, 'Suck it losers, I'm naming these big bastards after the Queen of England and telling the world I discovered them.' Same principal here. These are fun for me and therefore no one gives a damn how many omelettes you made on them."

"That was never the deal."

"I am altering the deal."