A daddy blog.

25 February 2009

Phone Call

Phone rings.

Bug: "Listen, snackbag."

Toddler #2: "Hey. Hey girl can I hit you back?"

"Can you hit me back? I'm sorry, did I call you in the middle of shooting a Snoop Dogg video? Are you about to get caught up in a 187?"

"No, don't misunderstand me, girl."

"You should really drop this extra-processed 'girl' baloney now. You sound like an ass."

"Oohoo, bad girl!"

"You are the biggest bag I've ever met in my life."

"Listen. Listen girl. I gotta get back online and check out my streaming stock updates, but I-"

"No, you need to drop that freaking phone off at the front desk of my building so I can return it. It's in my name and I'm not picking up the tab for your broke ass anymore."

"Girl, I gotta get streaming-"

"You are not a Day Trader. A telco took one look at your history and wouldn't even trust you with a monthly subscription, and you thought you were going to make a million outsmarting the street? You suck. You are the reason I hate this city. And if that Blackberry doesn't show up at the front desk by the time I leave the office, I will go 311 on your ass. You hear me? Girl?"