Bug and Her Upstate Cousin Do Carnac

Johnny's routine -- close eyes, make prediction in search of laughs -- is strikingly similar to what this this New Yorker article covers parents on the Upper East Side. The only difference is one is funny, and the New Yorker piece is written in the form of funny, without any actual comic timing. Consider:

... as we all know, one day you’re signing them up for infant drown-proofing classes

I guess the joke is that because the babies are the ones tasked with learning, not the parents.

and ordering a complete set of irony flash cards

Because only obsessive New York parents would order "a complete set" of flash cars. Maybe those spend-happy Manhattanites never even get to the bottom of that stack. Maybe authentic people buy flash cards individually to test them.

and the next thing you know they’re applying for unpaid internships at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Your guess is as good as anyone's. The whole thing goes on an on in this vein. It's like just about every story about parenting or children in that you can't tell if the editors and reporters actually thought they had a good story, or if they just wanted to write a parenting story because they new the breeders will read whatever they write about us.

Which we will. Articles about children are to young parents what Newsweekly cover stories about The Jesus You Don't Know are to septugenarians.

Ergo, thank god for sites like STFU Parents and Fucked in Park Slope that actually make it interesting to be a progeny-obsessed bore.