Makes Mickey Kaus look coherent

Slate's David Edelstein is apparently reviewing movies from the bottom of a bottle of Early Times:

It seems that the demon was attempting to "cross over" into this world, and demons, of course, don't do that. Well, they did that every goddamned week on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but each hell picture seems to have its own rules. The wittiest touch in Constantine is that there are a couple of extra chapters of the Book of Revelations in hell's library. I can't believe I just typed the words, "hell's library."

Later on, Edelstein challenged Hitch (not Will Smith, but the character in the movie Hitch) to a wrestling match. At 3:22 he then blogged his call to 900-LAVALIFE in which he asked the voice on the other line to pretty please pretend to be Kate Winslet. His credit card maxed, Edelstein then collapsed face forward on his computer mumbling "I can't even relate. I can't relate!"