I Dreamed of Idiots

Ron Artest went to Kenya, and the Kings rewarded him by him by allowing him to be interviewed by a very slow person. Witness:

You were fortunate to attend college and study mathematics. Do any of the people you encountered have the luxury of going to universities?

Leave aside that Artest most likely flew into Nairobi, which claims seven universities. Or that Ron Ron is from Long Island City, a neighborhood best known for the shiny green dong that rises out of the center of town.

Leave it aside, I say. You don't even need to know any of that. Just know that this interviewer thought Kenyans would be thunderstruck by Ron Artest's curriculum vitae. And that he also asked:

While you were in Africa, how did you communicate with the people?

Had anyone ever seen an iphone before?

The people who win marathons are frequently from Kenya. Did you see people running everywhere?

Please note that:

• They speak English in Kenya.
• Kenya probably has a more robust cell phone service than I can get from AT&T in Manhattan.
• Kenya is not a holiday. Ergo, there is no door which Jack Skellington walk through and come upon thousand of people doing stereotypical Kenyan things. When you go there, people are generally eating, reading the paper, and waiting for the goddamn bus. You can go hours without seeing a gazelle.
  

Anyways, Ron tries to explain the subtle difference between these entirely separate countries. He doesn't help matters much.

What is Kenya like compared to other African countries?
"Some countries in Africa, like Sudan and Chad, are at war all the time. It’s war, war, war. But in some places like Kenya and Nigeria, I’ve heard that it can be a nice place to live."

Nigeria? Jeebus. Across the country Binyavanga Wainaia's head a-splode.

He says he's "opening an AIDS clinic out there and will have a school named after me too... It will be Ron Artest AIDS Clinic or whatever."

So, there's a ray of hope.

Via The Hype. On our site. Not on his site, by golly.

Update: Stop Mike Lupica says I've got my geography wrong if I think Artest's home in the projects is in LIC. I'm not sure he's right, but he gives good Kenya-related commenting, which goes along way in these parts.