Please witness MJD's new all-NFL Monday morning column, Michael Mann's new Nike ad, and the worst PA announcer in college football.
Sorry Mr. Beat Reporter, Troy Glaus Will Not Answer Your Steroid Questions: While Rick Ankiel has steadfastly stated that any HGH he took back in 2004 was under direct supervision of a licensed physician to aid his recovery from reconstructive elbow surgery, Troy Glaus has taken a different route. He's not talking about his alleged steroid use at all.
Video: Shawne Merriman, Steven Jackson Nike Ad: Awful Announcing reports that Michael Mann directed it and the music is from Last of the Mohicans. Nike is obviously putting real thought (and real money) into the artistry of its commercials, and it's paying off with some high-quality stuff.
Ombudsman Criticizes ESPN for 'Seriously Misleading' Michael Vick Scoop: I don't get why Schreiber barely mentions ESPN's Kelly Naqi, who did some very good reporting at a time when many in the mainstream media were still buying into Vick's ridiculous claim that he had done nothing wrong.
Someone Off the Penn State PA Guy, Please: Every school utilizes a PA guy at some level, but nothing like this. It's ridiculous, its cheesy, its amateur, its obnoxious, and its an embarrassment to the school and its fans. Fans should be the ones dictating the noise in a stadium environment, not some dork standing behind a microphone.
CBS Doesn't Think Much of Jaguars-Titans: I find it amazing that as popular as the NFL is -- and as popular as high-definition television is -- there are still NFL games that aren't shown in HD. But apparently CBS has decided it isn't worth investing the resources in enough HD trucks to put every single game in high definition.
The Debriefing: The Seven Deadly Sins of Sunday ... Week 1: The Sinner: Randy Moss. If you were one of the people who thought, "Well, that pretty much sews up the Super Bowl for New England," when the Patriots signed free agents Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Adalius Thomas, the events of Sunday likely didn't do much to dissuade you.
What The?!? Bears Last Place in NFC North: After one game, the Bears are all alone in the NFC North cellar. The Bears lost to the Chargers today, while the Lions beat the Raiders, the Packers beat the Eagles and the Vikings beat the Falcons.
The Browns Are Who We Thought They Were: Four Penalties on One Play: Do you think Cleveland even practiced special teams this preseason. Even once? And because of the 10-yard punt coupled with the 10-yard penalty, Ernster has a net of 0 yards per punt today. Awesome.
Bears' Mike Brown Out for Season? Players usually don't have to choke back tears if they're only going to miss a few weeks. Brown, who has missed 28 games in the last three seasons, is the only player listed at free safety on the Bears' depth chart.
The Raiders Might Need a New Name for Their Fumble Drill: After the TD, Bell made his way over to the stands, gave the fans an earful, and they obligingly gave him a face full of beer. Everybody wins. Well, except the Raiders. They lost. Again.
Wade Wilson Used HGH To Treat Impotence: He technically wasn't lying. Studies have shown that male diabetics around the age of 50 can become impotent ... so using HGH to improve his "quality of life" with diabetes was true, from a certain point of view.
Mike Hart Guarantees A Michigan Victory In the "Slump Buster Bowl": A guarantee in a game featuring two winless and unranked teams probably falls more in the "You won't pay a lot for this muffler" caliber of all-time guarantees, but hey, it's a start.
Irish Line Is Offensive: The Irish could bring back Joe Montana, Jerome Bettis, and Tim Brown, and they still won't win many games this season. Why? Because their offensive line sucks. Bad.
Note To LSU Fans: It's Still September: The Alabama game is two months away. The Tigers have a top ten opponent in town. More than half of their schedule, seven games including today's, will be played between now and the Alabama game. None of that matters, apparently.
Jay Gibbons Tied to Signature Pharmacy; Steroids Apparently Not All That Helpful: Perhaps the most disgusting thing about performance enhancing drugs is that they call everything we see into doubt. For example, most people would just assume that Jay Gibbons is bad at baseball because Jay Gibbons is naturally bad at baseball.
Ruh Roh: Cubs Yield Division Lead: After dropping two of three to the horrific Pirates in Pittsburgh, the boys in blue have given back the division to the Brewers, and the Cardinals are nipping at both teams' heels just two and a half games back.
NASCAR Gains IRL Driver and Celebrity WAG: If the AP's sources are correct, and I suspect they are, IndyCar driver Dario Franchitti is headed to NASCAR and he brings along his gorgeous wife, actress Ashley Judd.