(Ed. Note: Whoops. Didn't have my coffee when I wrote 'deaths')
No Surprise Here: Media-types Attack Gundy: Calling the tirade "unprofessional" they criticized the way he chose to "air his objections in the form of a personal attack" and saying that it "shows a lack of respect for all journalists." So, just to clarify, after Carlson spends an entire newspaper column calling an amateur athlete a mama's boy, the AWSM is concerned about personal attacks?
What The Heck Is Desmond Howard Talking About? Howard: "He's sitting there holding a cell phone and you see like this big black hand with a chicken leg come into the screen and feeding him. Or is she taking a knife and fork and giving him a chicken breast?" It might have been meant innocently, or maybe it was intentional - hopefully Mr. Howard can clarify that mangled statement.
Norv Turner: Worst Coach in the NFL? So the Chargers fired 14-2 Marty Schottenheimer and replaced him with Norv Turner, who's now 1-2. Here are some of the opinions being expressed about Turner from around the web: "The San Diego Chargers have the worst head coach in the NFL (now that Art Shell has gone back into hiding)" -- Arrowhead Addict.
Walton Makes Forbes's Top Pundits List: That's funny, I always thought Walton was pompous, fatuous, and vaguely delusional. In defense of Forbes, the list was generated through some sort of weighted polling system. Or maybe the point is that, any way you slice it, "pundit" equals "buffoon".
Who Doesn't Love Rookie Hazing? Maybe you judge the beginning of fall by when the leaves start to fall from the trees. Maybe it starts for you at the first frost, or when your favorite NFL teams kick off, or (if you're from New York or Boston) when your favorite baseball team clinches a playoff spot. For me? It's when baseball teams make their rookies dress like retarded hookers and Wizard of Oz characters and then parade around to the airport.
The Dugout: Oh Look. A Bar of Soap: Regardless this was one of those days where I read literally every sports blog I know of and couldn't put much together. These are the days where I consider posting a fake headline here just so I can cite it and have something funny to write about. I guess this'll do.
Umpire Mike Winters Has Been Down This Road Before: It's been nine years, but Winters probably experienced deja vu on Sunday -- it's remarkable how similar the two incidents played out, with both players being thrown to the ground by their managers.
MLB Is Investigating Bradley vs. Winters: I can understand Helton not wanting to interject himself into the controversy (and risk future retribution from umpires), but he's really the only unbiased party in the know. Sooner or later he has to talk, right?
Mark Cuban Hasn't Given Up Quest for Cubs: You have to figure Selig and Co. are just waiting for a chance to disqualify him for making the wrong move. If he keeps jumping through the right hoops and ponies up enough dough in the end, is there really anything Selig can do to prevent a sale? Yes, the rest of the owners will have to approve it, but Selig doesn't technically have a vote.
A Surreal Day for Chicago Hockey Fans: Bill Wirtz, Dead at 77: Over on WirtzSucks.com, one of the more overtly hostile critics of his ownership of the team, the message board is just starting to attract the kind of conflicted tributes one might expect on a day like this.
Sabres Color Man Lorentz Retires After 26 Years Behind the Mic: I've listened to every market in the league and their broadcast teams, and for my money, there wasn't a better team than RJ and Lorentz. RJ's over-the-top exuberance and Lorentz's even-keeled, sound-bite short but content-rich analysis were the perfect compliment.
The Debriefing: NFL Mascots Speak Out on Their Moral and Ethical Responsibilities: FanHouse: Ragnar, according to your website, you're a recovering alcoholic. Can you relate in any way to the actions of a fan who has too much to drink and does something he regrets?
Ragnar: IN 1984 I DRANK THREE GALLONS OF KEROSENE AND RAPED A WILD ANTELOPE.
FanHouse: That's ... probably also illegal. I guess you weren't invited to the sex boat party.
Ragnar: IN 1976 I SUCKED THE EMBALMING FLUID OUT OF A CORPSE AND ATE A VOLUME OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS.
DeAngelo Hall Gets Fined, No Suspension: How is Hall expected to feed his children on less than $3 million? Honestly, this "substantial punishment" is just like fining Bill Belichick $500,000 for cheating. Yeah, big whoop.
Knicks Trial Turns to Girl-on-Girl Action: Calm down, Stephon -- the headline's not meant to be taken literally. The infamous intern Knicks guard Stephon Marbury bedded (trucked?) took the stand Monday... in defense of the Knicks and Madison Square Garden. Andrea Peyser of the New York Post doesn't seem very impressed while relaying what happened post-Starbury.
Was Shaq the Victim? In this version O'Neal is the one getting wronged. Both sides are no doubt in full-on spin mode, especially with all the money involved. There could be months more of this; I guess it's a good thing that everyone's getting disparaged in the media.