The airlines aren't even trying anymore. Me and another groomsman of Unutterable Nostalgia were supposed to catch an 8AM flight to Pittsburgh. The kiosk refused to give me a ticket, and the gathered JetBlue attendants refused to do anything other than direct me to a line 40 folks deep.
"But if I stand in that line, I'll miss my flight."
"You already missed your flight. That's why you got that piece of paper with OOPS THERES BEEN AN ERROR on it."
"The flight doesn't leave for 40 minutes. How can you say I've missed it?"
"Sir, you need to wait in that line."
Since I'd played this game last weekend, and knew it ended with my vacation shot dead and trussed on the hood of a departing plane, I told my companion to take his valid ticket and catch the flight.
While I sat in the line trying to figure out why airlines don't just pull you over at gunpoint like respectable bandits, my companion called to relate the following story:
After he left, there was security, a long hallway, and finally a shuttle bus. Which he boarded. But which did not move. Grandmothers told the bus driver they were going to miss their flight if the bus wouldn't move.
"The planes will wait for us," said the driver. Finally the shuttle bus lurched forward like an idiot child toward gate 29. When it arrived, the friend ran out to Gate 29, but there a Jet Blue employee informed that the way was is shut.
So we both drove back through Brooklyn, considering our respective screwings, and our friend the bridegroom, who was screwed the hardest of all.
